Hi, my name is Brian and I am a pervert....(hi Brian)

So this goofy bastard was caught today, in the girl's locker room at Brighton High School. Poor guy. I mean yes it is perverted and gross, but you have to consider where he lives. Sunset, Utah. There is not much there for sexual deviants, no strip club, porn store, brothel. I am a huge advocate for a lot of the so called decency laws in Utah being changed, to cater to those of us (and yes, I said us), to get our sexual kicks. Being that I am HIV +, I can't run out and find a one nighter and do the walk of shame the next morning, like I use to.

I think we should blame it on Larry H Miller and the Megaplex Theatres, and their refusal of showing"Zack and Miri Make a Porno". This could have been the perv outlet this guy needed to get his jollies.

Actually, I have been peeped on before, and it is not fun. If the guy would have been brutally hot, I might have entertained the idea of parting my curtains more. Instead he was a troll like this guy, and thankfully he became some bad man's boyfriend in the slammer.

I am sure most of these girls were traumatized, and I wish them the best, but I am sure there were one or two, who in the long run, are happy at least this guy would look at them.

An E-Greeting, You Don't Want

I got diagnosed with Syphilis since we played. You might want to get checked too. www.inspotla.org




Yep, you read it correctly. This is an e-card I found online the other day. No, no one sent it to me, it is a sample I made for my own amusement.

There is nothing worse in this world, then hearing someone say that they have an STD, and that you had been with them. Most of the time, you never know, until it is too late. Things are drippy or itchy, or just plain fowl. For many years, when the word of someone having an STD reaches your local health department, they are more than willing to make those unpleasant phone calls for you. They will even go far enough to keep it anonymous, as to prevent someone leaving a flaming turd on your porch.

In my life, I have received 2 such calls. "Mr. Miller, this is the Salt Lake County Health Department. You may have been exposed to gonorrhea and syphilis, please come in right away." Thankfully, my tests came up clean, but I was still mortified. But mortification soon lead to pissed. Who has the balls, to go to bed with someone, and then suddenly loose their balls to tell me in person, or on the phone, "hey, get yourself checked." When I tested positive for HIV, I personally called my partners, yes partners (I use to be really trampy), and let them know directly from me.

But now, you can send people and anonymous e-card to let them know that their plumbing may be off. The cards are actually quite crafty and did make me giggle a bit. You can pick what ailment is ailing you, and they have the whole gamete to choose from.

I realize that this is a great service to have, for those that lack the respect for those they bone, to make the personal call and heartfelt apology for being a whore.

I just hope, I never get one.

The Minimum Age for Scat

Here it is folks, the must have present for Christmas and Hahakkuah. According to reports, this is the toy that will be flying on the shelves. Yes, a baby doll that cries real tears, eats real food, and craps real crap.

OK, baby dolls are creepy enough to begin with, but when they start to imitate real human bodily functions, I think we have taken it too far.

It is bad enough, that there are those in this world, who get their kicks when someone takes a dump. Here we have toy, that is teaching young, and I mean VERY young, kids to get excited over pooping. I am sure that this toy is suppose to put a positive spin on potty training, but I think there is going to be some serious long term issues that will arise.

Come on Mattel and Hasbo and Worlds of Wonder, let's keep the shit in the toilet when it belongs, and not in the toy box.

A New Crush

So, I have a new crush. Well, maybe not so much a new one, but one that I am finally going to own up to.

ATB. German musician like no other. Everyone who knows me, know that I love techno music. Not so much mainstream techno, but progressive and deep house. Nothings gets me off more than hitting the dance floor and shaking my groove thing for a few hours.

ATB is one of the pioneers of the techno movement. Born André Tanneberger in Germany is still one of the great leaders of the movement, and my latest moist treasure.

Our Lady of the Perpetual Skid Mark

We've all had them, at one point in time. No one really likes to talk about them, let alone admit out loud to have having had one. They come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and even (for those who check) scents. But have you ever really examined a skid mark? No, no, no.....not the ones found at the race track, or at the site of a firey accident, I am talking about the ones EVERYONE has found befouling their underwear.

I took the time a few weeks ago, while scrubbing and willing out the disgusting mark, that was born from either laziness or farting when I shouldn't, from a new pair of white 2xist boxer briefs. As the stain faded more and more with each scrubbing, I noticed, very faintly, that the virgin Mary was winking at me. Impossible you say, and even I, heathen of all heathens, stood there in disbelief. The proper expression to use here would be "holy shit"! Mary is speaking to me in the most crass of all ways. I would rather her speak to me more in the likes shown in the movie "Pecker". (Full of grace, full of grace!!) But upon further late night Internet research, I discover that there have been thousands upon thousands of the VM sightings in the damnedest of places. But my sighting in my skidded shorts, is the first of it's kind.

To many believers, these sightings are signs from God for people to keep the faith and as personal revelation to questions asked in prayer. I have not prayed in quite some time, nor have I ever asked for personal revelation, except for recently, "Dear God, please, no more skid marks, and tired of replacing underwear." And after these sightings, many followers make pilgrimage to these sights. These sights are crowded with believers then shrouded in religions relics, candles and such.

I have seen one such site in person.

In downtown Salt Lake, there is a park with tree. Years ago, while pruning this tree, the tree pruner cut of a large branch, and much to his delight, there she was, our blessed VM. Word traveled fast and if you go to this park, even a blind man could spot this tree. A permanent metal staircase, leading up to knotted hole, where our blessed lady lies, deep in the wood grain, has been installed and there are hundred of glass candles (found at many Mexican markets for $.99) surrounding it, as well as many religous icons and pictures.

I debated for a few days......"is this what I should do with my holy underwear? Hang it out on the clothes line, so that people from near and far can come worship and pay homage to the miracle that has stained my briefs?" Having grown up Mormon and that I did NOT serve a mission, maybe this is my chance to make people believe, to spread the word and maybe some cryptosporidium or hepatitis.

In the end I decided to keep scrubbing, I would be damned if I had to throw a new pair of $36 underwear out in the trash. With time, the image of Mary has faded and can no longer be called a miracle. As I look back I can see that the only miracle that was manifested that day is the knowledge that I need to stop buying generic toilet paper.

It's scarier than Carnie Wilson buck naked

Yep, I told you so., scarier than Carnie Wilson, squatting naked over a hand mirror, while eating corned beef hash.

I was reading on Yahoo that the official national debt counter has officially run out of digits, thanks in part to President Bush, and his several felonies of ass holism. The counter has no more room to grow, they are going to have to start adding numbers written on toilet paper with Sharpies.

I can not even fathom the number in dollars above, yet alone the $86, 017.00 that it shows as my family share. Hell, I am single person, so that number is mine alone. It alarms me that how we as Americans look at how others live in other parts of the world and say to ourselves, "I am so thankful I don't have to live like that". People living in shanties, eating food that is lower on the food chain than government cheese. But with the national debt getting ever higher and higher, we are the ones who are going to end up live in squalor.

The housing and finance crisis is affecting me, and I don't even own a home. With all the homes being lost in foreclosure and all the suckers who are ending up having rent, means landlords are raising the rental rates. I can barely afford to rent where I am living, and that is with family in their home. My wishes of getting into my own digs in a timely manner are dissipating at a rapid rate.

All in all, if I had to list one thing that I am thankful for at this very moment is that I have the $2.25 that it is going to cost me to get home on the bus. I am only hoping there is some Top Ramen in my cupboard.

Yes....I am still a virgin......sort of.

Well, well, well......one would think that by the ripe old age of 32, one might stop having virgin experiences. Virgin student at 5, virgin to showering in public age 12, virgin plane ride at 18, virgin sexual experience at 19, virgin sexual experience with a woman that went very wrong, very fast at 16, life is full of them. Well, I have found another virgin experience here at 32....blogging. I have always been a person with a lot to say, even if people don't really care to hear it. So, I have taken this up and hopefully there will be someone out there who will enjoy the words, most of the times a lil blunt and a lil crass, I have to say. To sum this all up, welcome to my blog and I hope you enjoy seeing the world through my eyes and my words.